INSPIRATION CORNER
Keep it kind and carry on
The Alliance's Melanie Pilcher teaches us all about kindness - what it is and how to show it - and how to pass on the tools for kindness to little ones
Melanie is responsible for resources that support best practice in all matters relating to the EYFS.
“In a world where you can be anything, be kind.”
Kindness is a core element of humans living and functioning together effectively. In fact, the ability to be kind can greatly impact how well we socialise with and relate to other people.
Though kindness has several definitions, be mindful that you don’t confuse it with compassion. Compassion is more of a feeling for someone else’s situation, so though this may cause you to act
in a positive way for someone, you can feel compassion without outwardly doing anything. Kindness, on the other hand, is demonstrated through words, gestures and actions that are undertaken deliberately with the aim of making others feel good.
There’s a thought process involved in being kind: you recognise the emotion of another person, you want to make them feel good, you use intuition to decide how, and then you act. Whether your gesture is big or small, immediate or delayed, your overall aim is to make that person feel happy, even if only for a moment in time.
It’s not an automatic response when you’re very small
‘Kind’ is a small word, often used but not always an easy concept for a young child to grasp. We often remind children to ‘be kind’ or thank them for an act of ‘kindness’. We may point out an action that has been ‘unkind’ or insist on children using ‘kind words’ and ‘kind hands’ towards their peers. But what does it all mean?
It’s a lot to take in when you’re very young, grappling with your thoughts, feelings and behaviour as you develop the ability to self-regulate. Young children are innately egocentric, meaning they struggle to see a situation from another person’s point of view and will assume that others think and feel exactly what they do. This makes it difficult for a young child to process our meaning when we say it’s important to be kind.
As children learn to self-regulate, they begin to recognise and respond appropriately to how they are feeling, helping to regulate their responses. As they move out of the egocentric stage of their cognitive development – and again, with the support of adults – they begin to view things from another’s perspective.
How do we support children to develop kindness?
We will all have seen very young children demonstrating actions that can be described as ‘kind’ to each other. A toddler may give a friend a hug when they are hurt or willingly share a toy, but these are behaviours they have learned or copied; they aren’t instinctive yet. The adult plays an important role: kindness, just like any other life skill, needs to be taught, with plenty of opportunities to practise.
- Be a good role model for the children you are working with. Think about the messages that your words and actions convey. For example, when your colleagues haven’t had time to wash the paint pots, do you make the point loudly that it’s ‘their job, not yours’, or do you say, ‘I have time to do this today, I want to help’? Remember that children learn their responses by watching and listening to the adults around them. Say please and thank you, give compliments, find something kind to say when it would be easier to give a negative opinion. Show interest in others’ wellbeing and feelings; it’s easy and will make you feel good, too.
- Teach children about emotions and being kind. There are some excellent books available:
1. Kindness is my Superpower: A children’s Book About Empathy, Kindness and Compassion by Alicia Ortego.
2. Kindness Makes Us Strong by Sophie Beer
3. Be Kind by Pat Miller, illustrated by Jen Hill
4. Listening with my Heart: A Story of Kindness and Self-Compassion by Gabi Garcia and illustrated by Ying Hui Tan
- Encourage children to share their feelings. Young children will be able to describe how they are feeling, even if they cannot always name the emotion. A child might tell you “I am fizzy today”, or “I got tickles in my tummy”. You can then help them to label the feeling and why it might be happening – for example: “Ooh, it sounds like you’re excited because you are going to a party later”.
- Be empathetic towards their feelings: “I like parties, too, they make me really happy because I know I will have fun with my friend”.
Do something exceptional for World Kindness Day
Whether your gesture is big or small, it’ll make a difference to the recipient. Here are some more ideas:
- Discuss the things that parents and carers do every day that are kind. For example, reading a bedtime story, giving a kiss goodnight, or buying a treat. Record a message with the children asking them all to say something nice about their grown ups.
- Be kind to nature – leave some leaves and sticks for a hedgehog to hibernate in. Top up the bird feeder, or gather chestnuts and cob nuts to leave for squirrels. Make a log pile for insects and snails to shelter.
- Be kind to the environment – do a litter pick, make an untidy area look nice for passers-by, see how many you can make smile!
Whatever you do, don’t forget to be kind to yourself, too. Early years professionals work incredibly hard every day, putting other people’s needs before their own.
What would make you smile today? Go on, indulge yourself.
Under 5 magazine
The magazine of the Early Years Alliance