Valentine’s Day: breaking cycles

FAMILY CORNER

With 14 February just around the corner, we take a look at the different ways to mark the occasion with a positive focus on different types of love and relationships

Valentine’s day is a day for love in all its forms. Once January rolls around, our TVs are flooded with adverts for gifts and tokens of love, and shops everywhere have pink-and-red Valentine’s displays dedicated to romantic love.

But there are many types of love in the world that should be uplifted and celebrated during this time – including familial, friendly, and self-love – because it is this love that helps us build communities and supportive networks, that helps children to grow into rounded adults. It’s also important to note that romantic love isn’t necessarily the end goal in life.

Research has shown that mental health among children is getting worse, incidents of sexual abuse and assault among children have increased, and the statistics for domestic abuse rates among adults – especially against women – have also risen sharply in the past few years, meaning there are children being exposed to unhealthy relationships daily and absorbing the attitudes and trauma responses that come alongside this. Add to this the often-unregulated use of smartphones alongside social media and app-based dating, and it’s easy to see why there are growing concerns around the wellbeing and safeguarding of children, especially in terms of their relationships with themselves and those around them.

So, how can the early years as a sector made a difference?

Well, in addition to being fully aware of your individual safeguarding responsibilities and your setting’s policies, actively talking to children and teaching them about their bodies, their feelings and their opinions or understanding of different relationships, intervening and identifying issues earlier.

Self-love

Positive self-talk – model this to the children daily in the way you talk about yourself; encourage them to reframe negative thoughts or feelings about themselves e.g. “I’m rubbish at this” to “I’m learning and it’s a bit tricky” - books such as My Heart and The Tree in Me, both by Corinna Luyken are good to share together for this.
Self-regulation as well as co-regulation – co-regulation is an important stage in learning to manage emotions, but children also need to develop the ability to regulate their own emotions. Encourage time out or mindful activities (painting, listening to music, laying in a sensory tent) to help them identify and manage their emotions.
Bodily autonomy – there are lots of age appropriate books to look at here around boundaries and respecting them, teaching children that they are in charge of their bodies, such as Don’t Hug Doug (He Doesn’t Like It); How to Hug a Pufferfish and My Body Belongs to Me From My Head to My Toes.

Familial and friendship love

Show children that romantic love is not the only type of love by talking about all the people they love:

how do they know they love each other?
how do they show it?
Does everyone show love in the same way? (provide examples)

Family and friendship trees can help children to show all the important people in their lives and how they related to them.

In 2017 55% of two- to four-year-old children experienced a mental disorder (NHS UK)

1 in 6 children aged five to 16 were identified as having a probable mental health problem in July 2021 – from one in nine in 2017 (Young Minds)

A child of 4 was referred to police in 2021 after allegedly using a smartphone to upload an indecent image of a sibling (cps.gov.uk)

1 in 6 children have been sexually abused (Rape Crisis)

Take a look at the Alliance’s Developing an Effective Safeguarding Culture in Early Years Education publication, which includes:

Working in a child- and family-centred way
How to create a culture of open communication
Embedding good practice and avoiding bias

Available on the Alliance Shop (bit.ly/U5Safeguarding) now for £8 for Alliance members. If you are not a member, you can purchase the publication for £12, and if you would like to know more about the benefits of Alliance membership, head to our membership page at bit.ly/u5membership.

Books about healthy relationships and friendships can be found here: bit.ly/U5-Relationships and bit.ly/U5-Relationships-2.

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Let’s dance!

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Minds Still Matter: a positive approach to supporting wellbeing in the early years

Minds Still Matter: a positive approach to supporting wellbeing in the early years at the Alliance’s annual event. Free for Alliance members, £15 for non-members

Monitoring maternal mental health

African stories and traditional tales

Empowering early years educators

Let’s dance!

Minds Still Matter: a positive approach to supporting wellbeing in the early years

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