INSPIRATION CORNER

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Everybody needs good friends

The Alliance’s Melanie Pilcher looks at the meaning of friendship and building bridges across communities for this year’s International Day of Friendship

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Melanie is responsible for resources that support best practice in all matters relating to the EYFS.

First proclaimed by the UN in 2011, International Day of Friendship was created to promote friendship and peace across diverse backgrounds and cultures. This year, it will be celebrated on 30 July.

The day encourages community activities and emphasises the involvement of children and young people in building bridges between communities. International Day of Friendship is a good time to reflect on how we as educators play a vital role in equipping children with the attributes needed to make friends and to be a good friend.

Everyone has their own definition of friendship and what being a friend means – from close friends to more casual acquaintances.

Infants’ interactions with their parents and carers in the early years shapes their attachment style, in turn influencing how they interact with others, make friends, and respond to the world around them.

It begins with secure attachment

We may belong to different friendship groups through hobbies or causes; we may have transient friends who drift in and out of our lives but remain important
to us. Some friendships are forever, while others fizzle out. There is no standard friendship formula, but the personal, social and emotional skills of being a good friend are integral to children’s growth, and should honed from the earliest age.

Consistent support helps children to self-regulate, building their confidence as they learn and play together. As a child develops, they gain independence and begin to seek out new relationships with their peers, secure in the knowledge that they are doing so in a safe, enabling environment. It’s all about trial and error, as children learn to navigate the social expectations of how to behave and maintain friendships.

Prime areas of development, working together

The prime areas of learning and development are interlinked and constantly active.

“In every activity, the child is experiencing feelings and developing a sense of self and others, is physically engaged through their senses and movements, and is learning to understand and communicate with others.” (Birth to 5 Matters, 2021)

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Personal social and emotional development

Building on foundations of secure attachment, children learn to manage ‘big feelings’ and begin to develop empathy, recognising and responding to the emotions of their peers. From a young age children learn to be ‘kind’ and tolerant of each other, and over time friendships develop according to the child’s age and stage of development.
Here’s a brief overview of how friendships develop according to different ages, although every child is unique:

From about six months, babies start to show excitement when seeing another child.
Toddlers around 12-18 months may show a preference for certain children.
Between the ages of three to six years, children view their immediate companions as their friends. Friendships are ‘in the moment’, according to the focus of their play. The emphasis is on having fun as they refine skills that take a lot of practice.

Communication and language

From birth, babies have an innate ability to communicate with their carers; they quickly learn how to engage another person’s attention with eye contact, a smile or by babbling. As their communication skills develop, they can make friends and socialise with their peers, talk about their feelings, and begin to learn how to resolve conflicts with others. Being able to communicate effectively is a big factor in initiating and maintaining friendships.

Physical development

Children move through stages of play as they develop. In the earlier phases, the stages tend to involve watching or mirroring the actions of their peers. These interactions may be limited when children are very young, but copying the movements and gestures of their peers is an important form of physical communication that says says: “Hello, I am here, and I am interested in you.”

Celebrate friendship

Friendship day may be a one-day event, but why not extend the theme for a week of friendship activities in your setting?

Research local community groups – maybe a gardening club or senior citizen group. Find out when they are meeting next and see if you can join in. Not only will this benefit the community, but you could establish a long-term partnership where children benefit from learning new skills, while the group benefits from the enthusiasm and energy that young children bring to everyday activities.

Stories, books, songs and rhymes

As you enjoy rhymes and stories together, explore friendship issues and suggest nice things that children could say to each other. Here are some books you could place in your book corner.

  • Will you be my friend? by Molly Potter – will help children understand what makes friends special and how to be a good friend.

  • It’s ok to be different by Sharon Purtill – conveys an important message about diversity, acceptance and being kind.

  • Walk Tall by Cher Louise Jones – Gemma giraffe is told that she does not fit in, sheis too tall, too spotty and too skinny. She soon finds new friends who appreciate her for the ‘unique giraffe she is’.

Collaborate on a project

Collaborating on something together is a great way to initiate friendships as children discover things about themselves and each other.

  • Create a mural or wall display that depicts what friendship means to the children in your setting. Begin by talking with children about their friends, what they do to help each other, what makes them smile or laugh, and what they like playing with their friends.

  • Let older children plan a fun activity for the babies and toddlers in your group. Discuss what resources they might enjoy, how to keep them safe, and what their ‘intent’ for the activity is. This is an excellent way to get children thinking about how to engage with others by holding their interest and making them feel good, it could become a regular part of your daily routine!