Rethinking potty training

An increasing number of children are starting school without being toilet trained, placing additional demands on teachers and raising questions about how families and settings approach this milestone.

At Kindred Squared, our annual school readiness survey (bit.ly/U5-schoolreadinesssurvey) found that around 26% of children starting reception are not yet toilet trained, while only 48% of parents think toilet training is completely their responsibility. Teachers say they spend on average 1.4 hours a day changing nappies, helping children use the toilet or dealing with accidents.

The figures reflect a shift over time. In the 1970s and 80s, 83% of 18-month-olds were out of nappies. Children develop at different rates, but the comparison suggests that expectations around toilet training have changed.

The government’s Best Start in Life strategy includes guidance for families through the Starting Reception website (bit.ly/U5-startingreception), developed by a coalition of leading organisations including the Early Years Alliance. The site, which has a dedicated section on potty training, was welcomed by the education secretary, Bridget Phillipson, and health secretary, Wes Streeting, when it was launched last December.

Some early years settings are trying new approaches to ensure children are ready for school. At Tops Day Nurseries, staff avoid the term ‘potty training’, instead framing the process as helping children learn a life skill.

Diane Wycherley, the group’s chief operating officer, says: “Our approach is that children are not being trained to perform for adults. They are learning to recognise their body signals and respond to them. They begin introducing the potty as soon as a child can sit independently and use it routinely during nappy changes. There is no pressure to perform. They simply normalise the experience, so the potty becomes part of everyday care.”

“One of the biggest challenges for parents is waiting for a child to suddenly show readiness. In the experience of staff at Tops, waiting often delays the process because the nappy is convenient, and children do not want to interrupt play. Instead, gentle early exposure builds familiarity and removes anxiety. Children grow up understanding that using the potty is normal.”

The nursery’s programme has seen a significant impact. Over the past year, their average nappy-free age reduced from 3.4 years to 2.25 years.

The Tops approach focuses on teaching, not waiting. They introduce the potty early, when a child can sit independently, and use it during every nappy change.

The aim is familiarity, not success. Children are praised simply for sitting.

Tops have also found that washable nappies and potty pants support children’s understanding of their bodies. When children feel wet, they begin to recognise cause and effect. Disposable nappies can keep children very comfortable, which delays awareness.

Educators at Tops Day Nurseries highlight a few simple routines that can help children become familiar with using the potty.

■ Think teaching, not training: Children are learning how their body works. This takes repetition and routine. Treat it as a developmental step, not a deadline.

■ Start earlier than you might expect: Once a child can sit independently, they can be gently introduced to a potty. You are not expecting success, you are building familiarity.

■ Use natural routines: Parents and settings are encouraged to offer the potty as part of everyday routines, such as during nappy changes, after sleep, after meals and before baths.

■ Praise the attempt: Celebrate sitting, not results. Praising children can build confidence and encourage independence.

■ Stay calm about accidents: Accidents are information for the child, not a mistake. A calm response such as helps children feel confident to try again.

Conversations with families are a key part of success. The longer a child relies on nappies, the easier it is to continue using them rather than interrupt play to go to the toilet.

It’s important that children are out of nappies before they start reception year in school. The only exception should be children with a diagnosed medical need, such as a bladder or bowel condition.

Achieving this milestone helps children feel confident, independent, while supporting their health and wellbeing. At the same time, it allows teachers to focus their time on children’s learning and development, rather than managing routine nappy changes.

“Accidents mean they are not ready.” Accidents are part of learning. They are information, not failure. Calm responses from adults are essential. If adults become anxious, children often do too.

“I should wait until my child is ready.” Many parents are advised to wait for clear readiness signs, but children often do not show readiness because they have never been introduced to using a potty. If a child has always used a nappy, it is convenient and familiar.

“They will just tell me when they need the toilet.” Most young children will not interrupt play to go to the toilet, especially if they are comfortable in a nappy. Expecting them to self-initiate without teaching can delay independence. Support children to recognise body signals by offering regular, calm opportunities to sit.

“Starting early puts pressure on children.” Pressure comes from expectation, not from exposure. In this approach, children are praised for sitting, not for producing anything. There is no performance element.

“It is easier to wait until they are older.” The opposite is often the case. As children become older and more independent, they are more likely to resist.

“Nursery will handle it.” Toilet teaching works best when home and early years setting are aligned. If nappies are used differently in different places, children become confused. Tops work closely with families to ensure children receive the same message everywhere.