FAMILY CORNER
Friends forever?
At this time of year, many families worry about their child’s friendships and socialisation skills, so we share some tips to ease the worry!
*** Share this guidance with your families ***
For many families with little ones, September through to January can be a worrying yet pivotal time.
This is because it’s often a period of transition – between rooms at nursery or pre-school, or from an early years setting to a formal reception setting in school.
If children are lucky, they’ll have at least one or two friendly faces to scope out as they move about, helping to create a cushion of knowing comfort and security for them. But, even if they do have some familiar faces, it can still be a scary time for children learning to adapt and adjust to new people, as well as making new friends.
How you can help
Babies begin to associate certain adults with playful activities such as peek-a-boo and will try to engage them with both smiles and babbling to start the game off. This early communication skill continues to grow as their social circle widens and they develop other communication skills to build games, conversations, and activities with others.
If your child regularly attends a group or early years setting, friendships will often focus on their immediate peers. They’ll choose to play with children who are doing the things they enjoy and refer to many different children as ‘friends’ – some of whom you’ll hear about regularly, others who will dip in and out over time.
We want our children to have friends and to be popular with their peers. While this isn’t something that we can do for them, there are things we can do (along with their educators) to help them along the way with their personal, social, and emotional development.
Have conversations as a family – children need to hear and practise the rhythm of conversation, including listening, asking questions, responding, and showing an interest, as these are all vital components of friendship.
Model the behaviour you want to encourage – how you greet and behave towards your friends is a valuable lesson for young children to copy.
Give your child opportunities to play with other children, but don’t try too hard to push them together – children need time and space to practise their social skills. They won’t always get it right, but that’s okay; making friends is sometimes about taking a risk, and it’s not always easy to take the first step. If your child gets it wrong, let them know it’s okay and talk to them about how they might do it differently next time.
Know when to intervene when children are playing with their friends – sometimes it’s wise to stand back and give them room to sort out a dispute (as long as no-one is getting hurt or too upset). If it’s not working, give both children some options, such as sharing or choosing a different activity instead. Remember that both children will feel aggrieved in a dispute and need to have their feelings validated so they can learn to regulate them, so empathise with them both without laying blame.
If your child appears shy, let them make friends at their own pace in a space that is familiar and ‘safe’ to them, such as at home.
Think about the qualities you value in your friends and replicate them in front of your child. For example, if a friend always knows when you need a hug, help your child to recognise how other people might be feeling and to respond with a simple act of kindness.
If you’re reading a story or watching a film together, look for the strands of friendship within the story and emphasise them to your child.
Most importantly of all, remember that it can take until well into adulthood for some to master the art of socialising and friendships, and that you can be an important help along the way – we all learn at our own pace, and children should be given the time and modelling to find their own way with your support.
Under 5 magazine
The magazine of the Early Years Alliance